Hmm..well here I go again. Blogging...about feelings. I haven't had a blog in awhile so bear with me here. Perhaps it could very well be procrastination that has led me believe that I absolutely need to start a blog again, but I honestly really wanted to start a blog again so as to remind myself of how wonderful God has been. His grace has delivered me from situations that could easily bring me down, but my faith in Him has made me realize that He is just merely redirecting/pushing me towards the very thing that I feel called to do.
As some of you know, my life has been slightly altered since Sunday night. Something that I saw, (because I'm prideful) as a slap in the face. Failure comes in all forms, but it's harder when failure occurs to someone who is prideful and has never really experienced failure. What's even harder to swallow is knowing the fact that you only have yourself to blame for the situation that you've found yourself in and must face the consequences with grace. Not going to lie, yes I had my pity party...I would like to think that anyone who has worked hard towards something for a few years and yet let stupid little mistakes/decisions get in the way would've done the same. For a moment I was angry at someone who had the power to change my demise, but yet chose not to. But yet, the more I found myself discussing it to the important people in my life, the more I realized that I needed to step up and own up to my own crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. It's not because of pride that I am not willing to go and beg for someone to give me the .6 points that I need in order to pass the class...It was my own stupidity that got me into this predicament and therefore I should face up to the consequences.
So here I am...ready for the next 5 months of my life...ready to work my butt off and learn from my own mistakes. Still going to graduate on time, but just encountering a small bump on the road. I'm not by any means someone that feels defeated, but someone who is continually learning about life. Consequences and all. Oddly enough, I'm not sad. Please don't mistake this as being prideful or being cocky or even someone who lacks remorse for her own actions...I think I'm just finally at the point in my life where I know that everything is learning a experience and I should make the most out of it. I should rejoice in the very thought this gives me an opportunity to trust the one who delivered me.
Alot of you wonder why I want to do missions overseas...and some even see it as almost of a death wish. I might be strange for saying this, but here goes...I want God to show me what I'm made of. That my identity lies in Him alone. I know there will be hard times ahead in some form or another, but what person doesn't? So instead of dreading what sorrows or pain might lie ahead...I choose to be excited to be able to lean on Him more. My understanding of His will might not always there, but I am a child of God. He has not abandoned in the past 24 years, so why should I question the path that He has for me? Especially when this world has and is nothing compared to what awaits in His kingdom:
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."-John 14:27
Until next time friends. Love you all muchly.
P.S. I learned that I love eating out of ginormous bowls today. It excites me :)
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