"Do not look at the world through your head; look at it through your heart."    -Eat Pray Love


Wow I really thought I would update a lot more frequently than I have been. Sorry everyone! Everyday brings a new day of craziness in a good way. Things have been different, but great. I wake up daily and cannot believe that this is my life. When I was still in college and working my way through it, I dreamed of living somewhere where I traveled frequently using trains. Welp, here I am. I feel like I am on a constant vacation. During the week I get the privilege to teach children and on the weekends I get to spend my time living out of my backpack. I don't feel like writing this in a normal blog format so I shall give it to you this way:

1. The number one thing that I've been constantly reminded with daily is the fact that if I don't have it with me, I probably don't need it (with the exception of winter coats at the moment). I have realized that I acquired so much crap in the U.S. that I didn't really need, but regardless of that I feel very blessed that I had them anyway.
2. Each time I have to take a train or bus for a major trip I've learned that I am one stop away from being lost, but each time I step on a platform I become less and less concerned about the fact that I do not really speak the language nor can I read their alphabet. I realized a long time ago that I am a foreigner and I will probably spend 90% of my time here feeling lost. Being lost here is an adventure since nothing will ever be familiar.
3. Korea gives you this sense of "The world does not revolve around you and neither does your schedule". I've learned to just go with the flow (for the most part) because your school takes precedence over your own plans.
4. I never feel lonely. Missing certain people? Yes. Lonely? Never. I find myself wanting to just sit in my apartment alone at times in order to just have some peace.
5. I will never get use to getting stared at or having Koreans look at my basket in order to see what I am purchasing.
6. Humility goes a long way and so does smiling and nodding at the same time.
7. When I lived in the Philippines when I was little, I used to wonder why foreigners dressed crappy. Mystery solved. I have become that foreigner. 
8. As much as I try to understand and adapt to the culture, I struggle to keep myself from getting lost in it. I tug and clench to my beliefs and my morals.
9. I am proud to say that I am from Texas.
10. All Korean children are precious until they have a bad day.
11.  I wanted to stop at 10, but I have to say that I miss getting a hug from my mom and dad. 

I will try to update more soon. I think I enjoy writing a blog using the list format so that I don't have to worry about looking illiterate. I think I shall continue to use this format for future blogs :)

Long overdue update from August 28th...

Hello everyone! I had hoped to blog sooner, but training has kept me busy non-stop. I spent the first few weeks in Jochiwon at a satellite campus of Korea University. Even though it was full of training, I still enjoyed it because of the good company. There were about 350 of us training to teach English here in SK.  I have met some great people from all walks of life around the world and have made great friendships. We spent every waking moment together and then some: eating, taking classes, getting lost in subways, noraebang and even as small as going to a Home Plus  (grocery store) for the very first time here. We bonded by experiencing what it’s like to be foreigners together and made great memories. We also got a chance to do an English camp together in Pyeongchang, just west of Seoul. There we spent almost a week with a South Korean child of our very own. It was quite an experience and in my opinion it is a lot harder to teach a child one on and one and try to be sane throughout it. My child was a seven year old boy. I gave him the name Jack-Jack after the baby from Disney’s The Incredibles. He was quite a handful to say the least J.

A day after English camp was finished; all 350 of us were separated to go to our provincial training. Lucky for me there were about 50 people in my group. Unfortunately I can’t really tell you where we went. We weren’t allowed to go off campus for about a week…so basically all I needed to know was that in order to go class (basically from 8:40AM until 8PM) and to the cafeteria that I had to go downhill from our dorms. It was quite a workout since it was very steep! That’s the thing about SK….it’s full of mountains. I never imagined that Korea would have mountains everywhere I turn. Think of Colorado…make all the mountains green and take out all the flat land and you’ve got South Korea.

South Korea is such a beautiful country and it’s definitely a country where I think that people should be proud to say that they are from here. Though the economy is not as wealthy as the United States, it is a country that going full speed towards the future. Little things here and there surprise me when it comes to the technology here:

            Most cell phones have antennas that allow people to watch TV on their phones

My apartment floor has a feature that makes it a heated floor during winter 

The locks are digital depending on where you are (hotels or dorms) and you cannot turn on the lights without putting your keycard on this thing on the wall

All the cars have GPS systems

My classroom has a touch screen that allows me to show movies and make things interactive for my students

Alas, I am currently sitting in my very own apartment. I have been here for 2 whole days now. It’s so weird going from being part of 350 people, then 50, then just down to 1. I have 5 other TaLK program scholars here with me in Boryeong, but since most of us do not have cell phones and internet at the moment, it’s very hard to get in touch with them to find out where they are so we can hang out. I did, however, get the chance to get on facebook on Friday and I spoke to one of the guys in my program and somehow managed to arrange to meet up this morning at the bus terminal to explore the city and find maps and such.  We did that for a couple of hours and though it wasn’t very long, it was nice to see a familiar face in a city of 100,000 people in a foreign country. I also went for a 2 ½ hour walk today around the city just to explore by myself. I tried to go to the beach but it was getting dark and I didn’t know how much further it was going to be down the road. Tomorrow I am planning on taking a cab to the beach and probably just lay around and relax and read a book. Apparently I am only about 10 minutes from the biggest beach in Korea. It’s weird being the foreigner, but it’s quite exciting trying to figure things out on my own.

On another note, I will not have a Korean TaLK scholar at my school of 1,400 students. Instead, my mentor teacher will be helping me with my students. I have got to say that I am very blessed to have a mentor teacher that cares a lot about me even though we just met. She came to speak at my provincial orientation, but I was so sick that I opted out of the last full day and had to be taken to the hospital and she couldn’t find me during our lunch break. I contracted a cold and was coughing so hard that I coughed up some blood, but definitely better now J Apparently everyone goes to the hospital here for anything because it is so inexpensive. My trip to the hospital was fast and it only cost me 15,000 Korean Won---which is about $14 American dollars and another 15,000 for medication.  Mrs. Nam (my mentor) was so sweet that when she found out that I had to go to the hospital, she came to my room when she was done with instructing. She has been nothing short of a very sweet person since the moment I met her. After she picked me up the next day to move to Boryeong, she made sure that her and the other English teacher and their husbands took me to Home Plus so I could get all  the necessities I need for my apartment and even took me out to dinner for my favorite Korean food (sum gyup ssal..sp?). I cannot say enough about her and the other English teacher. They are just such kind people and their English is great even though they don’t think so. I’ve met a lot of people whose second language is English and I don’t think any of them can compare to the level of English of Mrs. Nam and Mrs. Star. I feel that I can be very open with them and can learn so much from them. Some other scholars have mentors that can barely speak English and for me to have a mentor whose English level is quite high is just a blessing.  School starts on August 30^th, but since I picked out a textbook for my students and Mrs. Nam wants to send out a letter to the parents…I will not start teaching until September 6. Until then I will just have to show up to school 3 hours a day to report to my VPs, Principal and mentor and basically surf the internet until 5PM in order to meet my requirement of 15 hours a week.No complaining here J Also, I am only about a 2 minute walk from my school! I was so excited to learn that I was very close to it and to learn that I am about a 5 minute walk from Dunkin Donuts and Baskin Robins and other stores. I think I’m literally in the downtown area so it’s very easy for me to motivated to go walk around and get some exercise.

Anywho, that is it for now. I shall try and post more soon. There’s so much to tell, but I feel like I’ve written quite a lot and I don’t want to bore anyone. Until next time loves…hope things are going great for everyone back home and everywhere else around the world. Oh and if anyone wants to come visit, you all are more than welcome to come and stay with me. Love ya’ll!

P.S. Here is a video tour of my place: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-wmBK7_wAbo

Sitting, waiting, wishing...

"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."-Author Unknown

As I'm writing this, I'm currently laying in my room (in an egg crate mind you) for the very last time. Moving back in with the parents for a few days before I leave. It seems so unreal that I'm leaving...I'm actually going to do this. For the most part I am excited for what God will bring my way, but I have had a handful of moments where I think to myself, "What the heck am I thinking???".  But alas, there's no turning back. I am always somewhat reluctant to change regardless of my excitement. I have great friends, good family and an amazing church---but I feel as though this is my next step. People ask me all the time if I'm scared about going somewhere where I don't speak the language or know anyone--truth of the matter is, I am more scared to stay here. God has been tugging on my heart to leave my comfort zone and I'm excited to be able to learn more about Him and to be able to lean on Him more to find my purpose in this world. Time to start anew, be closer to God and start living the life that will glorify the One that died for me....I will miss everyone dearly, but I feel that is my time to go and be off on my own and experience new things...new phase of life...it's gonna be crazy good :)  God has been more than faithful to me and everyone else who also have been undeserving...so I think I'm ready...tears will come in the next few days as I say my goodbyes, I'm sure of it. 'Til we meet again my friends...next blog will be written in another country..my new home; South Korea. Future's so bright, I gotta wear shades.

P.S. Please pray that I will find a church home that will challenge me and have opportunities for me to serve in their various ministries.

And here we go...

The greatest inventions and accomplishments began as the flicker of an idea. This tiny flame was then fueled by desire and faith. Watch out for those tiny little ideas. You have the potential to turn them into great things. - Steve Brunkhorst 

Well the journey has officially begun. I received an e-mail in the wee hours and I'm officially working for the Ministry of Education, Science & Technology of Korea. I'm thrilled to start this new chapter in my life, but yet I know that there will be days that will not be easy. But then again when are things ever easy? Better yet...do you ever learn from something that you did not have to work hard and fight for? 

God has definitely blessed me more than any sinner could have ever asked for. I mean WOW. I have family and friends that have been praying for me to go and I definitely cannot believe how much the Lord has blessed me even just in the past year and a half. Each and every single one of you has made me who I am and have encouraged me to do what my heart desires....or at least get one step closer..and I wanna THANK you and say that I love you for that! Anyways that's it for now...Not sure if I will blog before I leave, but I shall try to blog more once I get to Korea.

Diving Board

Graduation is coming up in about 2 weeks. I'm greatly overjoyed at the fact that I have worked this hard and it's all coming to a close. To be honest, although I am very excited for the next phase of my life, I am scared...and the only thing that keeps me from being paralyzed with the fear of the unknown is the fact that I am one of God's children. He has great plans for me, I know this. I think I am just nervous because it feels like it came way too fast. Sure, I thought this day would never come and behold here it is...Good things will come and so will challenges. I feel as if I'm 10 again and I'm standing there on the diving board...scared of jumping off but knowing that I would feel accomplished and brave afterwards. So this is me...jumping off that diving board.

So as far as my plan goes, I am planning to move overseas by the fall. I applied for a job teaching English overseas and I am quite excited about it. Having to do the paperwork and trying to get things situated has been mind blowing...Wow, I'm actually going to do this. By August, I could very well be on a plane heading to teach in another country.So please keep me in your prayers as I venture out into the real world via overseas :). Look out world, here I come!

Let Justice and Praise Become My Embrace

I don't have much to say tonight except that it was such a beautiful, beautiful thing to hear even just a fraction of the mission trip stories. God never ceases to amaze us. Worship was amazing and this song really touched my heart: 

From The Inside Out by Hillsong United

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
my heart and my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out

The Beauty of Grace Is That It Makes Life Not Fair

God of Justice, Saviour to all
Came to rescue the weak and the poor
Chose to serve and not be served

Jesus, You have called us
Freely we've received
Now freely we will give

We must go live to feed the hungry
Stand beside the broken
We must go
Stepping forward keep us from just singing
Move us into action
We must go

To act justly everyday
Loving mercy in every way
Walking humbly before You God

You have shown us, what You require
Freely we've received
Now freely we will give

We must go live to feed the hungry

Stand beside the broken
We must go
Stepping forward keep us from just singing
Move us into action
We must go

Fill us up and send us out
Fill us up and send us out
Fill us up and send us out Lord

Acting humbly
Loving mercy
We must go, we must go
To the broken
And the hurting
We must go, we must go

We must go live to feed the hungry
Stand beside the broken
We must go
Stepping forward keep us from just singing
Move us into action
We must go

written by Tim Hughes

This past week, I had the most amazing opportunity to go to New Orleans for a mission trip. Out of my own selfishness I didn't want to go to New Orleans. I've been there...it's disgusting and the city makes its money out of selling every sinful thing you can imagine. I spoke to my dad about it and even he didn't want me to go, and as soon as he uttered the words "Tell them you need to be transferred to a different city", I started to justify on why I NEED to go to New Orleans. Before I even knew the words that were coming out of my mouth, I was dead set on going to New Orleans and reminded myself that this trip is not about me. This trip is about what God can do to reach the hardened hearts of that city.

So finally my team and I are on the van on our way to New Orleans and just being in that car ride with them just lifted my spirits. My team was very uplifting and I couldn't have asked for a better team. We managed to make each other laugh hysterically throughout the whole trip and we were able to be there for each other when God pulled us out of our comfort zone. By Monday night we were evangelizing in Bourbon St. or I attempted to anyway. Before walking to Bourbon St. Taylor had asked me if I was nervous about going and out of ignorance I told him that I wasn't but I was excited. Or maybe arrogance, probably both. As we were walking, I realized that Danny (who resides in New Orleans and was a drug addict who turned his life over to Christ) was carrying a big white cross. It was definitely not one of those that you can hold, but yet one that is so big that you have to carry it and almost drag it because it towered over a regular human being. To be honest I was embarrassed for a second thinking what people must think of us...then I realized quickly that it does not matter what fellow sinners think of us of this HUGE cross. Over and over again as we walked to the Bourbon St, I kept reminding myself that I would die for my faith and for my God when it came down to it. I would not be ashamed of my Savior. As soon as we got to our designated spot, we were told to leave Danny in the middle of the street while the rest of us need to spread out so we can approach more people. As soon as I walked to the sidewalk, I turned in time to watch Danny put up the cross by holding on to it. As soon as the cross was clearly visible, a group college-aged people walked passed him and mocked him with their actions and their words. I stared in disbelief and turned to look at something else because I felt the tears coming and as soon as I turned to look at the cross again, I began to break down. My team started asking me if I was okay and what was wrong and as I attempted to tell them why I was crying, I could barely get the words out to explain myself. I tried my best to hold it all in and wiped the tears away because I had to keep going..I mean we had only been there 2 minutes and I'm already feeling like this. I later went and talked to Danny because a a college student that Anthony and I spoke to wanted to pray with Danny. I spoke to Danny and I told him that I don't see how he could be this loving and so welcoming of people that mock him. He proceeded to tell me that He couldn't do it without God and that he does this every weekend and that these streets are not as filled on a Monday night as they are on weekends. He gave me a comforting hug that meant so much than anyone could ever understand. After speaking to a couple of people, Taylor saw me and asked if I wanted to walk with him cause he needed to pray and it looked like I needed to do the same. Taylor and I walked around to find a place where we could sit down and pray about the city and the people that are in it, our hearts and asked God to speak through us. We finally go back to find the rest of my team still there and Taylor and I just stood around waiting for an opportunity to speak to people. My mind was racing the whole time and I could not focus. All I could think about was that image of college students mocking the very thing I put my hope in. I was heartbroken. I felt like I was failing for the rest of the night because I felt that I was of no use, but little did I know that God was showing me the difference between living a life of this world and a life that will be eternal.

Now I can tell you 3 reasons why as to why I was so torn up about that night:

-Seeing Danny being mocked made me realize how much harder it must've been for believers to watch Jesus being mocked and physically harmed while He was on this earth. If I'm already having a breakdown because someone I barely knew is being mocked for something he believes in and for just standing there with a cross, how much harder was it to stand by and watch OUR Savior be whipped, humiliated,mocked and being talked down upon? Jesus died for THESE people? It was such a beautiful sight to see Danny cling to that cross without shame and love every person he encountered regardless of whether they wanted to pray with him or they just wanted to mock him. A true definition of loving others with the love of the Lord because we, as sinful people, could never love one another without knowing what it's like to be loved unconditionally by God. When it comes down to it, I know that I have a lot of growing to do after experiencing this. I want to be able to walk proudly behind a large cross in the midst of a dark city and not be ashamed of who I am and what that cross represents. I want to be able to cling to that cross and love others without hesitation..which brings me to my next point.

-Anthony and I spoke to a drunk young college student about Christianity. This guy proceeded to tell us that he could do a better job in evangelizing because he would be more enthusiastic about the message. I wanted to reply with, "Oh yeah? I'm sure you'll win people over to Christ while you're slurring and holding a beer in one hand". Wait a minute...I'm a sinner too, how dare I judge him? Of course I don't go out and get drunk and do drugs but all sins are the same. I constantly struggle more than I can admit. Later on, this young man said something that impacted me so much "I'm fine. I'm Catholic and there's a lot more people here that are worse off than me."....Wow. I kept thinking to myself that aren't we all like this? Don't we constantly compare sins to make ourselves seem like our shortcomings are not as big in comparison to others? Even as Christians, we lie to ourselves and others by constantly telling ourselves that our sin is not as "great" as the person next to us or that drunk we walked by that was passed out on the bench. This reminded me of the conversation that Rita and I had a few weeks ago about how we are so eager to go to missions and love strangers who are on the streets and how we attempt to always tell them to go to church that we are affiliated with and that they will welcome them with open arms. Then we come home. We, Christians, look down on those who come to our churches that stick out like a sore thumb. We stick our noses in the air and think to ourselves "How dare they come to church looking like that!", but in all reality shouldn't we rejoice at the fact that this person even came at all? The church is a scary thing from the perspective of the person outside looking in. Welcome them. Love them.

-Lastly, as we were trying to give away tracks to strangers on Bourbon St., I realized how awkward and uncomfortable it was. It made me appreciate those who constantly go out and evangelize. Next time you see someone trying to give you a pamphlet on the streets, take the time to stop and encourage them. This is a very hard thing to do. You might think it's scary for you to be on the receiving end(I used to avoid them too), but it's scary to be on the other end too. I watched my friends get attacked for their beliefs when all they wanted to do was give them the track and pray for the people. You might be just that person that brightens up their day and make them realize that they are appreciated.

I know this was a lot...and to think I learned all this from day one. God is truly amazing and has shown me how wonderful He is and how broken I am.

“But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”- Jeremiah 17:7-8

Well I've realized a lot of things since the last post. Perhaps this is temporary, but for my sake I pray it isn't. I've come to realize that letting someone into your life gives them the right to hurt you and potentially betray your trust. Forgiveness is wonderful thing; without it none of us sinners would be redeemed and have the promise of eternity. Then again we're all only human and therefore people's actions and choices will result in consequences...for the person who chose to commit the wrong and for the person who was wronged. I believe I'm at the point where I strongly believe that although I can forgive; I must let the consequences step in and deal with the matter in the hopes that something will come out of it that will glorify God. So here it is...I'm letting go.

"The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life."-Galatians 6:8

Confession

I believe in a faith that's strong
I believe in a hope that carries on
I believe in these things and more
Most of all, most of all
I believe in love

~Third Day

I have to admit that I am going through something that is hard for me because it is beyond my control. I can honestly say it is in God's hands. It's a bitter pill to swallow; knowing that there isn't anything you can do...I received a text from my lovely cousin, Corrie, recently and she asked how things were. I said things were okay and that I'm just trying not to care to practice not caring for a longer amount of time. Her exactly reply was, "Sweetie, it's about trying not to care. It's about trusting God with that care." Of course I have heard others giving me advice saying the usual response of "Just trust God". As I am writing this right now, I am having a hard time trying to hold back tears of relief and joy. I have not been asked to stop caring; I have been asked to trust God with that care and feelings that I can't shake off. This probably sounds idiotic and you're probably reading this thinking "And she didn't realize this sooner because?". Let me fill in the blanks for you...I didn't realize this sooner because I felt as if people were asking me to stop what I'm feeling and stop caring...there's also that small thing that you know, I'm a bit of a control freak when it comes to personal issues. Sure, I am seen as someone that is laid back when it comes to various situations...I'm that person who starts laughing when I'm lost in the middle of nowhere with a friend. I laugh in those situations because I know that I/we will find our way back to safety. So here I am...with everything that is in me I am trying to realize and reassure myself that I will find myself back to "safety". Things have not been going the way as I had hoped for the last few weeks, but despite it all God has given a sense of peace in the midst of it all. God has made me realize that this is all in HIS hands and no one else's. God has not taken away my feelings...the way I care about things deeply..He has just made me realize that He is handling it. I care a lot more than I show or vocally proclaim...more than I really do care to admit to others and to myself and that's what made it all the more difficult to hand things over to my Savior. But I give up in handling it myself and trying to find answer in others. God is the only one that I can truly proclaim my pain, hopes, fears, desires, and needs to.

With all that being said, I didn't title this blog entry "Confession" because of what I just shared. I titled it "Confession" because I'm about to share something that even my closest friends do not know. Something that I have kept all to myself all this time. I cannot remember when was the last time I was truly motivated to take the time to spend time in the Word of God. I don't mean random verses here and there...verses that have been taken out of context in order to motivate those who cannot find the time to dive into God's Word. I came home tonight with this deep desire to read the Bible in its entirety..front to back. I had the intention of reading the first and second chapters of Genesis to start with. As I came close to the end of the second chapter, I found myself alive and on a high from reading and decided to keep going. Before I knew it I had read seven chapters. Now I know this doesn't seem a lot, but it is for me considering that sometimes I don't even take the time to read the daily verse that is automatically sent to my phone on a daily basis. I absolutely loved every single minute of reading God's Word. It was OUR time together and it was out of my OWN accord. Why have I not done this sooner? I look forward to tomorrow so I can spend the day in His presence. Not only because it's Sunday, but I am truly excited to spend more time reading my Bible. If you are reading this, please keep me in your prayers because this is something that I have struggled with repeatedly. Pray that I do not give in to the distractions that this world has to offer because I WANT and NEED this and God more than words can ever explain. Tonight I found that the more I learn, the less I know about God's love and that alone motivates me to be closer to Him.

Until next time :)

Sparing you the details but this..

It hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time.