감사합니다 (Thank you)

So if you read my status updates, it's no surprise to know that I get sick a lot in Korea. Either I'm having the time of my life or I'm sick. #firstworldpains I know. So yesterday I had to call in sick because my voice was just not up to par and if you teach, then you know what I'm talking about. I am barely heard by my 3rd grade students during my best days as it is so I decided to take the day off. My mentor, bless her heart, said I deserved to rest without hesitating. She then told me that she would stop by my house after school. She came to my house with a bag full of oranges and bananas. Produce does not come cheap in Korea so for her to drive elsewhere(my house  is within a 1 minute walk from my walk from school) and buy me these..just made me realize (once again) how lucky I am to have her in my life. She never expects anything in return and when I attempt to show my gratitude towards her, she always feels like she needs to do something in order to pay me back. That's just the way she is.

She definitely makes me sad to leave Korea. She is such a wonderful person and I've learned so much from her. She does everything and expects nothing in return. Ahhh. I wish I was more like her. What a blessing she is!

Korea's making me miss it before I even leave..

So today one of the teachers from school drove all the way to my apartment just to give me a box of sweet potatoes. Who in America does that??? The teachers at my school always go out of their way to help me or make me feel that I'm not alone here. Even if we can't communicate, they always manage to make me feel that they are there for me. It's little things like this that makes me miss it even before I leave in January. There have been many things as of late that makes me so thankful, but I keep forgetting about this blog. I'll try to do better next time :)




Ahhh I feel like the luckiest person in the whole world. God continues to put people in my life who I truly adore.

The love God intended for all of us to have.

Every single Friday, God shows me what He intended love and marriage to be. Every single Friday, around 1:45PM, a Korean man around 70 years old walks his semi paralyzed wife who also has one of her legs amputated. When I first saw them, I was taken by surprise because Korea tends to hide any type of imperfections and for someone to publicly claim that they are somehow connected to someone who is not "perfect" is so rare here. Each time I see them,  I see her struggling with all her might trying to walk with him. He walks with patience and lets her lean on him for support while he holds her hand. It is one of the most moving things I have ever seen in my life. Not because it is happening in Korea, but because I know that THIS is what God intended love should be...you know, the "for better or for worse" part of the marriage vow that a lot of people seem to forget nowadays. We all be so lucky to find someone who will be there for us no matter what...Vows are spoken by many new marriages every single day, but it's sad that only a few of us have witnessed that kind of love being displayed. I want THAT kind of love. The kind of love God wants for all of His children. We already have that love from our heavenly Father, but I also want THAT kind of love from someone who is a flawed human being because he cares for me that much.
 I think it's the happily ever after that the Disney movies have omitted, but insinuate (hopefully anyways) when they it says "...happily ever after" .  However I do think that we always expect to perhaps struggle in the beginning, but we tend to forget that life is full of obstacles that God has put in our path with full intentions to make us stronger and not break us. Girls, we may find our prince but that doesn't mean it will always be happily ever after even if you both turn out to be perfect. Things beyond our control will always appear to be block that unreachable "...happily ever after", but that is when we should lean on God and people who love us. Just like how the paralyzed woman leans on her husband to help her walk. They do not just "walk" on Fridays together, they are walking and leaning on each other every single day. She helps him just as he helps her, he can't imagine what life would be like without her by his side. Otherwise, why would he be so committed to her?

If you are reading this, whoever you are, I hope that you have this kind of love. If you haven't found it yet, then I hope that you will/it will find you someday. I hope that you will experience the kind of love that never ceases..the kind of love that doesn't give up...doesn't lose hope. That 'lean on each other, hold a radio over my head,  made to be with you, for better or for worse, be silly together, I had it all but I needed you instead' kind of love.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Scared out of my wits...

Sometimes people get to live uncomplicated lives that makes them unaware of what could potentially come their way, then there's others who have experienced so much that they see obstacles as something that can be overcome..always fearless. I think I fall somewhere in between...maybe.

People are now starting to ask me what my plan is. Truth be told? I'm scared to do what my heart is telling me right now. I often daydream about it and pray about it. I know it will be good..and that's where the problem lies. I don't know why I'm so scared that living there would make me so incredibly happy. Perhaps if my parents weren't still in Texas...but that didn't stop me from going to Korea. I definitely know that I'm risking falling in love with the country I left when I was 10 years old and never wanting to live anywhere else.

When I was still studying in college, I thought that once I got my degree that everything else would be less complicated and it will all fall into place. Now I realize that it's much harder to make decisions like these than writing essays about a certain theory that I thought was ridiculous.  But I know what I need to do..pray for guidance and being fearless wouldn't hurt either.

Future's so bright...gotta wear shades!

Well a lot has happened since my last post. Hye Suk Nam (my first mentor teacher) is now officially back at my school. Gosh, she is such an incredible person! She has been such a blessing in my life. She is a prime example of someone who has not let obstacles/bad experiences affect the way she looks at life. She is full of joy and I'm so thankful that my last 6 months in Korea will be spent with someone who I see as one of my best friends.

Speaking of Korean friends, Sunmin, one of my Korean friends at school took time from family obligations during the biggest family holiday here to have dinner with me. In the midst of the craziness of this holiday, she took time away from her precious family and took me to dinner so that I wouldn't feel alone during this holiday. And this was our first hang out! I'm so grateful for her :) Things like these make me miss Korea already and I haven't even left yet.

Welp...it's about that time to make decisions again..I have looked up flight times to Philippines these past two days. I'm super stoked to be back for a month there..or longer...Lately I have been  feeling that God might be leading me to move there again. I'm not sure exactly what it will all entail, but I just as if maybe that's where I need to be. Of course I'm still going to search for jobs in Italy and Spain, but lately all signs have been pointing to moving to where I was born. I have spent the last 16 years running away from where I came from and lately I feel as though I have missed out on a lot of things and feeling as if what I've been looking for all this time is the one thing I've ran away from. I need to look into all the little details, but if this is where God wants to be then I should be so lucky to move there.  A few years ago, someone asked me if I'd like to do missions in Philippines and quickly shot down the idea. Why did I put God in a box??? Who was I to respond abruptly? How awesome would it be for me to go back, live there, learn about where I came from, embrace the people there and minister to them? When I think about it..it's perfect. I know the 2 main languages there and I'm learning to love Philippines...so here we go!!! I need to pray it about it more and see what God wants me to do. I'm excited no matter what happens. His grace is so abundant and it's constantly overflowing and I've been more than blessed by it all.

That's it for now...life decisions are awaiting to be prayed for and to be made!

Korea is just oozing of kindness

I forgot to post something on Friday so here goes. I am currently teaching summer classes at my school and my poor colleagues have been roped in to co-teach with me. For most of last week, I had the privilege of working with Min Sang for the first time. We had such a great time in my class (or at least I did)! It was great to see someone who truly loves the children and just had fun with them no matter what. It's funny how sarcasm is also the same no matter where you are by the way...So on Friday I decided to let the students watch Toy Story 3 as a treat since they have all be immaculate perfect all week. At least that was my plan. Of course the movie wouldn't work on Korean computers. Min Sang tried fixing it for 15 minutes and then all of a sudden he disappears...he finally came back after what seemed like an eternity and behold, he has a whole new computer tower. He took his own computer and switched it with the one in my room. It didn't work. As if I didn't feel indebted enough, I help him return his computer after our day was done and he kept saying he would do it himself. I insisted. Then I found out why he kept saying I didn't want me to help him. His class was (no joke) 100 yards from my classroom. My school is so big, but I didn't realize how much bigger it is inside the building. After I helped him, he proceeded to thank me for letting him be in the class with me for the past 3 days. What?!?!?!!! He was such a heaven sent during those pass few days and he made me see teaching through a new set of eyes. He was such a blessing to watch with the children and I have no doubt in my mind that he is going to make such an impact in those children's lives. I kept thanking him over and over, but even then I don't think I could ever express how thankful I was. If this world was filled with teachers like him, the world would be filled with children who truly enjoy learning and will in turn, will want to make a difference in this world.

Next..Tonight I went grocery shopping. And there's something you have to understand about shopping here in South Korea..They don't give grocery bags away like they do in America. You have 3 options: pay for every single bag, use your own environmental friendly bag or you can use the boxes that the products were shipped in. I never had problems shopping before..I always managed..that is until tonight. I had managed to buy about $100 worth (which really is not a lot groceries compared to what you can buy back home, but I usually buy them on a need to basis). Imagine how much groceries you can buy with that money back home and divide it by half. It's still a lot.  I decided the best was to box it up. I knew there was a boxing station right by the exit so I decided to just go with that. Problem: no medium/large sized boxes. There was an elder man cleaning the trash who observed me with such a wonder..he was probably thinking how idiotic this foreigner looked trying to see if she can fit her groceries in small boxes..I finally turned to him and motioned of what I thought was the universal sign of 'big' and he pointed at the other boxes and I said 'No'. He said something to me and walked off...I wasn't sure if he meant to follow him or to go inside to the other station (all the way to the other side of the store). So I go inside and went to the other station and found boxes large enough for my things. I come back out a few minutes later and I walked pass him..He pointed at the big box he got and had put on the table. The poor guy went all the way back to the stock room and got me a box. I felt so awful. I gave him an "I'm sorry I can't speak the language and I'm an idiot, but thank you so much" look. I hope he understood that.

Well, that's it for now. I will now enjoy my teriyaki chicken that I managed to put together :)

Thankful.

So I realized that I'm a horrible blogger. I wish I was that type of person who is very diligent in keeping an updated blog, but I'm not. It's always either I don't have anything to say or I have too much to say that I need to keep it to myself. But here goes an epiphany..I'm going to post every single time someone blows me away with their kindness in Korea. Now I know that might sound idiotic, but Korean people really do blow me away with their kindness. People in America aren't THIS nice to strangers, yet alone..a foreigner who doesn't speak their language. Don't get me wrong, I do think American people are friendly..especially Texans. We just have that southern hospitality...but the type of kindness I've experienced here is the type of kindness that does not come naturally to most Westerners. After a few posts..you will see why I feel it's necessary to say these things..plus..there's nothing like being thankful to keep the spirits up and be reminded how blessed we are:

-I have a student that was in my 4th grade class (who I thought was not very fond of me) and is now in my summer class. He's adorable, but I haven't really bonded with him as much as I have with the other kids. As I was gathering my things today after dismissing them...he comes up to me and says "Wendy sim (abbreviation for teacher)" and gives me a can of cold coffee. He actually went and bought me coffee. How crazy awesome is that?! I really hope these kids know how much they mean to me and that they make my day.

-I needed to buy matches because I've been gone for too long from my apartment..therefore my gas range stove has decided that it can fire up on its own. So today, I went to my corner Family Mart to buy some. I awkwardly look around (people staring at me cause I'm a foreigner is something I'll never get use to), but to no avail. Thank goodness for internet access on phones. I quickly typed in "matches" on google images and showed it to the owner. She told me they don't have any then she bent down for what seemed like 2 minutes..found her personal box of matches and just gave them to me. Seriously?!?! Koreans might not think anything of it, but each time someone is kind to me here..it's the equivalent of going above and beyond in America.

--Last, but not least..I thank my Savior for continually putting people in my path who make me want to become a better person. I was really starting to doubt if extending my contract was a mistake, but things like this continually makes me thankful and realize how incredibly blessed I am.

I don't love you, I always will.

I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back
The less I give the more I get back
Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise
I don't have a choice but I still choose you
Oh I don't love you but I always will - 'Poison & Wine' The Civil Wars


I really wanted to write this epiphany I had tonight, but I don't think I can sum it up any better than those lyrics. So I'll leave it at that. I'm still hurting over this, but I'm not broken. That's okay right?

The fire's return, I'm letting it burn, there's nothing better in the whole wide world.

I have been in Korea for a little over 5 months now. To say that I am past the newness of it all would be a poor way of putting how comfortable I have become in my "new" surroundings. All this time I have pretty much traveled every single weekend to see what Korea has to offer. All this time I have made the petty excuse that this is all new to me and that the churches around me do not speak English so there wasn't any point in going. A few weeks ago I came to the harsh realization that how is it that I am so willing to travel to all these places in Korea that took up a lot of my time, but I'm so unwilling to find a church that feed my soul spiritually? The last few months, despite of having a great time, I have had a mixture of feelings. Feeling both alive and lost at the same time has been interesting. I am here doing what I thought I would always do..travel and live somewhere to experience a new culture, but I was missing something.

A few weeks ago, I had a conversation with my friend Christian. She was helping me through something that seemed to have been a hard lesson that God gave me. Words cannot express how thankful I am to have her as a friend..who is kind and generous. Willing to give up an hour or two to sit here and talk to me about my problems. I felt blessed and wished that I could be more like her. She sweetly said that it was only because of Jesus that she's like this. It took a few weeks for it to sink in and for me to realize that I am not whole without Jesus. I am not the same person without Him. I have not been a good example of what a Christian should be. I have definitely noticed that my tongue gets the best of me..I do not watch what I say at times when I am too comfortable and that my thoughts need to be guarded. I felt I needed a change again once more. I decided to finally attend a church service at a church that I had researched before coming to Korea.

Sunday morning came around and I woke up a little after 6AM to get ready, got on the 7:57AM train to Suwon. Listened to worship music for the two hour ride. I was feeling optimistic and excited that I will finally get to spend time with my Lord and other believers. I have not been to church in 5 months and I have realized that my soul is lost and ugly without it and without Him. My friend Linda gladly accompanied me, which was a big sacrifice for her, and I am ever so thankful to have a friend that would give up their time to do something that meant a lot to me. We arrived at the station and after finding breakfast, we made our way to the bus stop and nervously made sure I read the directions someone had given me. We waited for a few minutes for the bus, wondering if it would ever get there. I noticed that we had stood next to another foreigner, but after being here for 5 months..you really don't wanna be the awkward "waygook" to start a conversation with another waygook just because you both happened to look foreign. You realize things like this when you've been here a few months. So Linda and I chatted about possibly being late for church and that I was off to a bad start then the foreign said "I'm sorry but I overheard you saying something about church..." ..Her name was Sarah and she was heading to church as well. We were relieved that we wouldn't have to guess when trying to navigate ourselves blind through this town we've never been to. She was very friendly and made me feel more at ease about going to a church in a foreign country. We get to the church and I finally met the person I have been corresponding to on facebook about going to her church. She was as nice and as welcoming as I thought she would be.

There's something about being around Christians that's just contagious for me. It makes my soul truly glad to be around fellow Christians. That's not to say that other people aren't as nice and as welcoming because they are...but being in the fellowship with other Christians just encourages me to be a better person in more ways than one. It just makes me feel at home. I felt relief to be there. I felt at home. I found what I was missing. I felt myself in God's presence and it felt beautiful to be there. I couldn't help but close my eyes and sway myself during worship. I feel blessed and comfortable to be there. The pastor delivered a very condemning message of what it's like to be a disciple and I found myself short. I knew then that without the fellowship of others and without a church that will challenge my spiritual walk that I would be lost. I would be a lukewarm Christian who claimed to be Christian, but whose actions and words do not match what they claimed to have faith in. So with great joy in my heart, I think I can safely say that I have found what I needed the most here in Korea. It's time to stop making pathetic excuses about how the churches are too far, because I have traveled much longer for things that do not really matter. This empty void is finally filled.Praise Jesus for faithfully loving this soul of mine :)